I'm a big believer that as parents who live in the real world, we have to take everything into account that matters to us, prioritize according to our values, and do the best we can for our kids in ways that fit into our whole family's lives. Our kids' opinions of school matter, but in the end, if what they want isn't good for them, then you make that call. That's what parents do. And making that hard call is the right thing to do.
The same goes with things like the school commute. If it is impractical for you to drive an hour a day every day, then it's okay to decide not to do it. This is your life, and your kids have to fit into your life. Certainly anyone should think long and hard about undoing a good school fit. But if you have thought about it (which, of course, you have!) and you found a program that seems comparable, then I think there's nothing wrong with changing schools. School is part of your family's lifestyle, so it has to *fit* into your life. You get to decide how much you're willing to give up and where you draw the line, and there's no wrong answer. Moms and Dads matter, too.
onthegomom: I would suggest talking with the kids about good things about the new school whenever it seems natural. You don't want to hard-sell it, I don't think, and of course you don't want to just talk *at* them about it, droning on and on. But I think you probably do want to subtly get them talking about what they liked about the new school in order to get them on board with the plan.
It's tricky though, because you don't want to oversell it and have them disappointed. I think your goal is to move them from "I don't want to go!" to "I'm willing to give it a try." Don't try to get them all the way to "I can't wait to go to my great new school!" Aim for neutrality.
I think you will need to have a school talk at some point. The more you can use the Socratic Method--asking questions and leading them to the answers you want them to give--the better, I think. (Just don't be as annoying as Socrates! LOL!)
Some of this depends upon how upset you think they'll be about the change. If they're just not thrilled, then I wouldn't worry too much. If there will be tears and tantrums and months of pouting, then you will have to work harder to set things up before you tell them what you've decided. You have to make them a bigger part of the process.
Perhaps before you have the "This is where you're going to school" talk, you could have a number of smaller Socratic conversations about how they feel and why they feel that way, as well as some very honest info from you about your worries and why you favor the new school. Maybe make a pros and cons list, talk about what scares them--and what scares you about the old school!--and how likely those worst cases are to happen?
I think that when adults talk about the reasons why we make the choices we make, kids get more receptive to our decisions. Just be sure to appeal to them in ways that they respond to. For my little Spock, logical reasons work best. For my hyper-emotional kid, his fears have to be addressed. Different kids, totally different approaches.
At worst, it becomes a lesson in decision-making for them, right? You model how to make a tough choice. It's a good time to talk about what your family values and why.
The other thing that might be helpful is the idea of reversibility. If the new school is possibly lost to them if they don't try it now, but they could return to the old school later if things don't work out this year, then that's a very good reason to try the new one. Maybe you can revisit the decision after a year? (We revisit our school decisions every year anyway, so this would be no sacrifice for us!) I'm thinking of it as a "no-thank-you bite," but for school instead of for vegetables at dinner: "Try it, you might like it!"
Hopefully after a year they will have settled in at the new school. If not, that might be an indication that the new school didn't work very well.
I've babbled a lot, but hopefully there's something there that's useful.
