Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Let's talk about Aspergers

Here's what's been going on with FIL. He was originally DXed with being bipolar but it doesn't really fit and the meds haven't helped. He's also VERY intelligent. So here it goes:

- Problems looking people in the eyes
- Misses MANY social cues, doesn't realize/care when people are uncomfortable.
- VERY stuck on routines/structure. Flips out if something is out of place (basically a 50+ year old man throwing a tantrum).
- Definite sensory issues- listens to incredibly loud music, problems with certain textures/clothing
- Sleeps very little
- Will go through phases of spending money like crazy. While very smart can also make some very bad decisions with money (more than once randomly bought property/cars without wife's consent)
- Problems with empathy.
- LOTS of financial anxiety, has had suicidal thoughts
- Goes through obsessions, can talk about little else
- Possible stim- used to pull out beard and chew on it
- Will work himself to the ground. 8 hour days are required and he'll go in at 4am and not leave until 6pm. He tries to do other people's job for them too.
- Likes wearing the same clothes over and over again.

He lives in a developing country so it'll be harder to get him good help. Family (ok, MIL) there has really had problems getting help for him due to lack of good experts and also because the extended family believes he should just suck it up or that he'll be ok when he clearly is not.

Dh has also shown some signs

-Problem with eye contact
-Admits he lacks empathy/hates small talk. He will engaged in small talk with people as an experiment, though (as in same something odd specifically to see how people will react).
-Has had many obsessions. Currently it is work related and because physically ill/depressed if there are problems with work.
- Had problems socially as a kid until he was about 14 when he "invented" a new personality for himself and forced himself to be social.
- Chews on side of the mouth to the point of bleeding/taps foot
- If I am not around he completely shuts down and only works. Will forget to eat and ignore other people entirely.
- Very intelligent. Probably HG+ but was never tested.
- Didn't talk much until age 2 when he started speaking in paragraphs.
- Really stuck on his idea of justice/fairness doesn't use other people's standards
- Has a "uniform". He would wear the same outfit day after day if I would let him.

Ironically, once people get to know DH he's probably one of the funniest, friendliest people out there. But he HATES meeting new people. It's really a struggle to get him to go out with other people even if he does end up having a lot of fun. I keep wondering how much this could just be overexcitibilities and passion for his work? What's the difference?

DD does have a few things she does too:

flaps hands (when excited or upset), loves spinning objects (and being spinned), and has some *possible* texture issues with clothes. She also has to wear certain clothes over and over again like a uniform (and wants to wear multiple layers of clothes). She sleeps very little and does have certain things she is obsessed with (and she throws tantrums is she notices that a puzzle piece is missing, for example). Also, she has some sight words.

But the thing is about her, at least, a lot of that stuff seems like normal toddler stuff, isn't it? She's REALLY social and has never really done parallel play, so that alone makes me think that for her, at least this isn't an issue.
On the other hand, she's always so much more ON than any other kids I know (I'm talking about energy/intensity here not just with intelligence) that I wonder if something is up? That brings me back to the difference between 2E and OE's.

Sorry for the long post but I'd appreciate any thoughts/advice you have!!!!!