I am an extrovert who was married to an extremely gregarious extrovert for years. We were so alike, there was no "figuring each other out". Our needs were the same, so it was quite effortless. Sadly, he passed away over 6 years ago, and 2 years ago I married a man who is an introvert. At first I didn't understand him, took everything personally, had no concept of the need for alone time, and often thought he wasn't listening to me when he took "forever" to answer a question or participate in a conversation.
We went to counseling (prior to getting married) for a bit to try to make sense of our differences because we just knew we should be together. We also knew it would be difficult if we didn't learn to understand each other more clearly. So, after completing personality tests and some counseling, I discovered that my husband is an introvert. Of course, this was a concept I'd heard of, but I thought that just meant people were not as outgoing or maybe they were just shy. I didn't understand that there's a lot more to it than that. Once I began reading more and more about the introvert personality type, it all made so much sense. It was so unfair that I wasn't allowing him to be the person he is. I was trying to change him.
Now that I understand him and he understands me, our relationship runs much more smoothly. I give him time to respond during our conversations because I know he needs time to process his thoughts and consider all perspectives. I know that he needs for me to ask him questions to get him to talk about his worries, fears, or feelings. He admits it helps him to talk things out, but he is simply unable to initiate this type of conversation. I just accept that this is my role, and he appreciates that so much. I do not worry or try to stop him from spending time alone to "recharge his batteries". I know our time together will be much better if he's refreshed. Of course, there's a lot more to it than this, but I just wanted to say that this extrovert has learned so much from my introvert dh about independence, solitude, and respecting people for who they are, differences and all.
Our son is an extrovert like me, and because my dh "gets me" and understands my needs, it's easier for him to relate to our son. Sometimes it's an effort for him to give him what he needs, but he's a great dad and is willing to go to great lengths to meet ds's need for deep conversation and social interaction.
I think there are lots of people out there who do not understand introversion. I think learning about this can help with lots of relationship issues at home, at work, etc. Thanks for posting this!
