Two things that may seem off topic.
1) Compliments. Put 3 peas/nuts/pebbles in one pocket. Transfer to other pocket as give compliment. Try to move at least twice each day. I know it sounds silly, but as she revs up, your tension likely does also, and it's easy to forget to compliment our children, as we deliver all the "good behavior" reminders.
Alternative: Put compliment jars on the table, with shiny marbles or similar for everyone in the family to use to transfer from one to the other, when something nice is said. One empty, one full. This may work better with younger kids, laughing.
2) Talk about the underlying emotions. (Designed to be started with younger children) is "Happy, sad and mad" time. Used at bedtime, both parent and child discuss something during the day when they felt each emotion. It's a window to find out what is happening in your child's life that you'd never imagine. It gives you a chance to model how you handle emotions, create emotional competency.
In this case, my hunch is the underlying undiscussed emotion is fear, in both people. (don't shoot). With someone her age, perhaps sitting down, each of you making a list of things you're afraid of regarding the event, then sharing them?
OK, you can shoot now, lol.
