Oh, you remind me of something I saw on some PBS parenting TV show long ago that helped me--it can be very scary for a child to be unable to get control. That can make them spin out further and further. Remembering that helps me to be more patient. It's a real learning process for them to figure out what their triggers are and how to get control back when it's gone. Many adults are bad at this, so I guess it's not surprising that a small child with OEs has trouble. Poor things!
A child unable to get control but trying to is a very different problem from one who is throwing a hissy fit to manipulate adults. I commend you for recognizing the difference.
Snacks and alone time are vital around here. My mom and I used to argue every single day after school. I wasn't allowed a snack because we ate an early dinner. I blame a lot of that arguing on hunger. We make food a priority, hungry or not. I feed everyone--including myself--every 3-4 hours, no matter what. And if someone gets cranky, sometimes a few minutes in a room alone really helps to hit the reset button. Even extroverts need a little quiet time sometimes!
