While I agree that it is important to emphasize effort, patience, etc. isn't this another reason why finding more challenging academic outlets (which most likely means letting them know, by placing them in special programs at school, that they are at the minimum, advanced compared to peers)is important for gifted children so that they can experience struggle and not always be at the top of the pack?
I never did any homework before college, then barely did any then. I wrote "A" papers in college and graduate school in a couple hours, but I found other ways to challenge myself and experience failure and success through effort. I am a published writer of poetry and fiction and while writing was easy,submitting work and being rejected was hard. I was effortlessly thin my whole life and wouldn't wish on myself having had to work hard for that even though now when that is changing, I am lazy in terms of diet and exercise. I guess I am saying that I appreciate how easy that part of my life was since so many other parts were very, very hard (do not need to itemize them all but trust me there were plenty).
Just because academics are easy for a child does not meen that they do not experience the dynamic of being challenged, failure, and success through effort in other areas of their life.
With my DD3, she isn't particularly talented with gross motor things, so she can experience failure and frustration there and also feel successful if she works hard to overcome thing. The same thing happens for her with learning emotional control. It is a huge challenge for her to control impulses, wait, stop talking, etc. but when she masters those things, even for a moment, I try to label her success as "wonderful self control" or "patience" etc. so she sees those are things she is doing through effort.
Hard work isn't such a wonderful thing anyway in my mind. It isn't something I value all that much. Don't get me wrong, I put intense effort into some things I have done, but it always felt very concentrated and relatively quick since I hate drudgery and don't want my DD to be bogged down with labor for labor's sake. Maybe this has limited me in some way, who knows.
Is it so horrible that some things are effortless or nearly so for some children? My 22 month old is more physically able than my DD3 and I love that doing physical things from somersaults to climbing things is so easy for her, but feel a little sad that her big sister stands back and watches the "baby" do things she can't do, but it lets her see that everyone has different strengths. I was also in competitive sports and physical things often came easy for me, and I celebrate the fact that my DD1 may have that natural ability, and I am thrilled if she doesn't have to work too hard to master some skills. I was a competive gymnast and they worked us to the bone, and you know what, I don't think I would want my DD1 to be pushed that hard. I'd rather she do something she loved that came fairly easily and she had fun doing.
If DD3 is placed in an appropriately challenging academic program, they will surely find work for her that will make her stretch herself. It is only when a gifted child is forced to sit through day after day of material she learned YEARS ago that they are at risk of becoming a bit "lazy." As another poster said, these things are not mutually exclusive. I do worry that DD3 is so used to learning things being so easy that she is afraid of being wrong and so doesn't want to push herself so I try not to talk about how smart she is as much as say things like, "wow, you really paid close attention" etc.
As for not telling them they are gifed, my 3 year old corrects me, informs me, reminds me, etc. and she realizes the children in her preschool are different than she is, so do you think she won't know something is different by kindergarten? Whether we tell them they are gifted or not, which I am not sure I will, they are smart enough to know it anyway even if they don't have a label for it.
