Irene,
Please don't feel "ashamed" about making the choices you did. I'm sure you made them with your children's best interest in mind - we all make decisions based on information we have at the time - some work out well, others could have been better.
Your DD sounds like me as a 5 year old. Many of the issues improved with time/maturity. My DS6 is also very intense (guess where that came from?). I think homeschooling for us would be difficult because of the combination of our personalities - DH is right up there in intensity, too, so he wouldn't be helpful. DS actually has fewer behavioral issues at school than at home, and these are also getting better with time.
I'm sure you will make a decision that is right for you, now, with the information you have available. Decisions are not immutable, and plenty of other parents on this board have changed school situations if things didn't work out the way they planned. Keep posting - hoping for clarity for you and your family....
