I am beginning to feel irritable and offended when I hear words from teachers like "just needs to try harder."
I am a homeschool mom and I feel so guilty that I have said these words to my 11 year old son with motor dyspraxia, hypotonia and SPD out of frustration--"Just try harder" even though I know he is trying. He included this little phrase in a parody of me and one of our typical homeschool days. His big sister, his dad and I were at a pizza restaurant and his sister asked him how our homeschooling was going and having never been a kid to answer with only a few cliche words, he immediately went into an improv performance to show her. Afterwards, his sister told him it was really, really good and I had to agree and he definitely pointed out some problems we are having in a humorous way.
In his parody he included an imitation of me on the message board asking him questions even though I told him he could take a break--it went something like this: DS: Mom, You have to see this YouTube video I just found, its really good. Me: I'll have to look at it later. Look at this--another kid not coloring in the lines but reading chapter books in Kindergarten, I have to say something about this, What do you think about it? DS: Mom, I thought it was my break time. I would really like to enjoy my break. Me: But it will just take a minute, just tell me what you think..... He also included a scene with me criticizing his appearance and eavesdropping on a conversation with his sister and making an excuse for walking into the room when they are sharing secrets.
It was so good that he had me laughing. He has my mannerisms and typical phrases that I might use down perfectly.
The words "Just try harder" tend to come out of my mouth when I am worn down from trying to get him to finish things that are motor related--things like handwriting or piano or even getting ready to go somewhere.
My son has enough people already telling him to just try harder because he doesn't look or sound like a kid that would have these problems. For years I have been aware that he sounds smarter than I do when he speaks. If you could compare a written transcript of what he says in conversation about almost any subject and what I say, you would see that he is much more articulate than I am and you would think he is more well read than I am--but I am right there with him when he is reading a lot of what he read or watching the educational shows with him. I would wonder how he could retain so much more information and be able to come up with some really good analogies that I would have never thought of. People, especially older kids, would ask us his IQ and I didn't know because he hasn't had an IQ test, but I would say "It has to be higher than mine, and they would nod their heads in agreement."
My son would take forever to write one paragraph, but if allowed enough time, he can write in cursive legibly and he uses correct spelling and punctuation. Because he can write legibly if he does it slowly I am not sure my son still has dysgraphia. If he prints or tries to write quickly or has to write more than a paragraph, then it sure looks like dysgraphia. I don't know how I am supposed to know if he has dysgraphia or not when one doctor says he has it and the OT says handwriting is low normal, and then he has days where he can do things better than others and he is not consistent so maybe my son has dysgraphia some days and not others. I really need help to figure this out and I think we are finally going to get some answers when he is tested next month.
I think never knowing if he will be able to do some physical thing that other kids do so easily causes my son anxiety. A few years ago the doctor noticed that his heart rate went up when she said he needed to learn to ride a bicycle. I think anxiety causes his heart to beat faster. For me, this anxiety happens if I am asked to speak in front of a group. I had what may have been selective mutism as a child so I have lived with some anxiety my entire life. I want my son to overcome this anxiety that he gets any time he is asked to do anything physical.
My son hates being in a room by himself and this causes some anxiety, especially at night. He has trouble sleeping, so I sometimes worry that he will keep the other kids awake. He had a sleepover Saturday night but he didn't sleep until the next morning. Luckily one of his friends is the same way so it wasn't a problem.
