Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Academic "red shirting" - are they really gifted?

This thread got me thinking about several people I know that talk about how very advanced, etc. their child(ren) are because they did X,Y, or Z "early". Then they go on and talk about how they taught their child(ren) X, Y, Z skill(s). I'm talking about the "I wanted my child to learn to read, so I started formal lessons at age 2 and by the time they were 3.5 years old s/he was reading" and other discussions where the parents drilled and/or spent copious amounts teaching the child in a sit-down-and drill type format.

I'm probably going to come off as a jerk here, and I truly don't mean to - I'm just a bit frustrated - but the whole thing just irritates me. I do, generally, believe that a child will acquire *and* internalize a skill when s/he is ready - mentally, physically, emotionally - and not before then. However, when the child is drilled for a year or more on a subject or skill and the parent states the child is "advanced" or "gifted", I'm reminded of "red-shirting". It seems almost a case of "six of one" to me. In one instance the child is held back so that they are older, bigger, etc. than the other kids (I realize these aren't *always* the reasons for "red-shirting" but they *seem* to be the most prevalent.); the child comes across as seeming smarter, more mature, more athletic than many of the other children that started school *on time. Whereas when a child is "taught" (a) skill(s)early then s/he may also appear smarter, etc. than the other kids.

Admittedly, my soapbox is built of a bit of jealousy. A parent can brag that Joey is fastest kid in 1st grade (because his parents held him back a year) and that's okay. A parent can say, "I started teaching Jane to read at age three and now at age five she can read independently". Mostly, I am *truly, most emphatically* happy for the parents and their joy for their child(ren). Sometimes though, (and this is where the "jerky" part of this post comes out even more than it already has) I just really wish I could say, "Well Boo was reading before age two and adding and subtracting up to quantities of twenty by 18 months of age...and I didn't have to drill her or actively teach her anything. Unless you count Leapfrog videos, singing lots of children's songs and Starfall." But I don't say it. I *can't* say it - not the way I described above or even in a more toned down fashion. If I did *I'd be labeled as a braggart, or liar, or fill-in-the-blank.

I'm sure I sound snarky; I feel a bit snarky! It's just so darn frustrating at times to spend so much time supporting others, listening to them gush about their kids when even the most innocuous comment from me re: my kids can get me shunned or end a conversation in a hurry. So I have to pad what I say, limit interactions to fluff, etc.

I'm stopping now, before I really start ranting. (Too late, I know!)


ETA: Disclaimer -I in no way think it's a *bad* thing or somehow discounts a child's giftedness, in any way, if the child's parent teach the child something, because they followed the child's lead based on the child's interests and readiness, etc. My post was limited to those instances when a parent *drills* a child on a skill or subject regardless of the child's interest or abilities and other similar situations. (Basically, "hot housing".)