The dentist visit went surprisingly well. She took the time to explain what she was going to do to him before she did it and when he made jokes about what she was doing, she came right back with her own jokes and they both had me laughing. It is so good to see a medical professional who knows how to use humor and compassion with patients. The OT that my son got to see a total of six times was also like this. It was too bad that our insurance would not pay for any more OT.
We can't afford to pay for OT or anything else without insurance unless we take him out of piano and other activities and I don't think we want to do that.
I am trying to find a swimming instructor willing to give my son private lessons at the YMCA and we haven't found anyone yet. The YMCA people said there is someone who might be able to give him private lessons next month. Hopefully, my son won't have to wear a scoliosis brace 23 hours a day because I think it might make learning to swim when he already has a swimming phobia to deal with even more difficult.
We will find out next month after they take more X-rays if my son, who had sock problems and clothing tag problems will have to wear a brace. This is a child that I used to tell that he should be glad he isn't a girl because girls have to wear a bra and heels and he would never be able to tolerate it. I looked at pictures of scoliosis braces online and they look worse than I imagined--much worse than any bra--and you have to wear the brace at night. He has always had trouble falling asleep and I can't imagine trying to sleep while wearing a brace. So this is another medical related worry that is in the back of my mind.
I read something in the newspaper this morning that I know applies to me. It was advice from the doctor who wrote the book "Gifted Hands: The Ben Carson Story." He said "Mindset affects health. Danger from fear, stress, anger and not believing in yourself mean people need to change their mindsets to improve their lives."
It is just hard sometimes because I know I am at an increased risk for stroke, which sometimes leads to dementia, and also cancer and diabetes because of my family history. I worry about leaving my son alone before he is ready to be alone in a place where he would be denied an appropriate education because he is twice exceptional, where people believe the best way to raise a boy is closer to the Spartan method of child rearing than Dr. Sears and that all boys must be physically strong and play football.
I am trying to be proactive about my health and I will model that behavior for my son. Asking questions about possible side effects and educating yourself is a very smart thing to do and I support my son in asking questions. I will continue to look for more information about these health issues because there are things I can do to lower my risk, and my son's, especially by keeping our weight normal and exercising. It is the people in my family who were obese that had most of the health problems.
We can eat more fruits and vegetables. We bought a juicer and my son for the first time decided he wanted to plant his own garden. My dad let him have his own area to plant and helped him do it.
I can limit my time and definitely my son's time around relatives or anyone else who wants to say things about my mother's condition and behaviors that she has no control over and hang on to the memories of the way she was before she became ill. She would never have wanted her legacy to be one that causes fear and anxiety. Her legacy should be and is her love of learning that she managed to pass on to her grandson even though he was only four when she suddenly became ill and had no memory of who he was even though he lived next door and we saw her every day.
I can limit my son's time and my time around people, especially adults, who are bullies.
My dad takes care of my mother 24 hours a day, taking care of her every need as you would have to do for an infant and he doesn't have the anxiety that I have. After working and saving his money for years, with the expectation that there would be some "golden years" there were none because of my mother's illness, but he doesn't complain. I asked him for his advice in dealing with difficult things and he told us that the fact is that it is a cold cruel world and you just have to "improvise and adjust" but you also have to be thankful for what you have. It could be worse.
And then he smiled and said something else. I think he knows that I was always a little sensitive about not feeling as smart as my younger sister and my artist uncle and my mother who only took a few college classes but could answer way more Jeopardy questions than anyone else I knew because she read all the time, and now I am homeschooling a child who learns so differently from me and is so much smarter than I ever was and I often feel that I don't know if I am doing the right thing. My dad said, "At least you have common sense and some of those smart people in our family don't." Then he told my son that he thought he had more common sense than his adult sister and he might need to help her once in a while. My son said he already knew this and he was already helping her and he is.
So thanks everyone, I am feeling better today. I am using my common sense to improvise when dealing with life challenges and I will continue to work on adjusting to the difficulties. I did get a prescription for anxiety meds that I can use if I have to.
