I have two sons, DS 6 and DS 7, who are both Gifted, both stubborn, and both know their own minds. Their behavior at school was atrocious for about three months. A behavior therapist contracted by the school gave us an allowance program to try:
1. Saturdays we pay them their years in dollars (so $6 and $7 respectively).
2. We came up with a list of things they would have to pay for and how much (50 cents for playing video games, 50 cents for play dates, longer term incentives like a trip to Chuck E Cheese).
3. We came up with what things would cause them to lose money ($1 for violence, 50 cents for not listening to mom after three attempts, etc).
4. We discussed how they could earn extra money (school behavior sheets, extra chores, doing things that it's hard to get them to do).
This system has worked beautifully in the house. The kids are much more manageable now than they ever have been. While it seems like the money is an extrinsic motivator, the reward and loss system is completely in the child's hands. S/he can work harder to earn more if they screw up one day. They count their money. Sometimes, they don't care about my rewards because it's real money, so one bought himself a Bionicle.
At first I was hesitant about giving them money, but then I realized that as an adult, you don't really go to work out of the goodness of your heart (usually). You go and you get paid for doing a good job, listening to your bosses, and making sure all your projects run smooothly. So, I figure it's not that different.
