Part of that is that I try always to applaud the practice and not the achievement, so I can read doesn't have kudos attached. And I have had a lot of support here for praising the effort, not the accomplishment. But at some point, they should have pride they can do the accomplishment.
Any comments on my last paragraph would be appreciated.
Ren
Well, my initial thought is that SHE should have pride she can do the accomplishment. That isn't something that YOU give to her. You know?
Self-pride doesn't come from outside, it comes from doing something hard and succeeding. It comes from within. If you praise her for success, then she is not experiencing self-pride, she's experiencing YOUR pride in her. Two different things.
As long as you're praising her when she does things that are hard for her, she'll get that self-pride.
One thought: just be sure you're really praising effort--hard work! Too many parents these days (maybe not you) praise every little thing their kids do, no matter how easy or small. IMHO, that doesn't cut it because it waters down the praise. They know when we're BSing them!
So if it's easy for her, don't praise it. But if she tackles something that she really doesn't want to do or has trouble doing, heap on the very specific praise: "Wow! That was hard for you, but you stuck with it. Doesn't it feel good to do something that you thought you couldn't do? I'm proud of you for not giving up! Are you proud of yourself?" That sort of thing.
I often ask my kids if they're proud of themselves, and I stress that while it's nice if I'm proud of them--and I am--what really matters is how they feel about themselves. It seems to work pretty well.
FWIW...
