My daughters have played beautifully today (aged 4 and 8, both gifted). I've loved listening to their elaborate cat/vet game. From an observer, I'm really happy with their interaction, their role play, their sharing, their problem-solving about who makes up the rules, etc. And it's certainly not always this good!
But... it's a stretch for Miss 4.5 to play with Miss 7.5. She has to extend herself. Mostly, Miss 7.5 accommodates this because she gets a lot out of the play herself and really enjoys it. But Miss 7.5 is not stretched by the play. I often wish Miss 7.5 could spend time with older girls - role models, kids that stretch her... But this is besides the point and not related to your situation.
Actually, it is related. I am sure that the other mom would like her DD to spend time with "kids that stretch her". Although, the mom has (and often) said that her DD tends to get more out of playing with Boo than she does playing with girls her age and older (ages 7 - 10). The older girls will often play physical games with very little interpersonal or imaginative interaction. And I do understand the need to be with kids that "stretch" each other. I just get the message that when the girls play together they stretch eachother in various ways. But then, the feeling that that isn't good enough because of the age difference creeps in...not from me, of course.
I suspect, although could be completely wrong, that your friend may like hanging out with you and your DD but really aspires a "real friend" for her daughter - someone that is her daughter's own age. Do you openly talk about giftedness? Is your friendship with this mum competitive? How do you think she feels to see her DD playing with someone 3.5 years her junior? Does she accept that they're playing at the same level? I suspect not.
Yes, I think you are right. Real friend may very well equal same age, despite what I mentioned above. I didn't think we had a competitive friendship, now I am not so sure. I thought she was fine with her DD have a friend that was younger and, again, I thought she accepted that they play at the same lever. But, again, now, I am unsure. Really, it's all a big question now, whereas, I had just been thrilled that Boo had found a peer - finally!
No we don't talk about giftedness, as from many of her comments she doesn't "believe" in it.
Mixed age friendships are very hard - not for the kids, but for the parents. What messages do you think this friendship between the girls is giving your friend? It seems to me that she might think that it's fine for "playdates" but it's not a genuine friendship. And you may need to confront her about this...
I can't say what message my friend is receiving. I thought she was fine with it, but perhaps she's feeling her DD is lesser because she gets along better with a 4.5 year old than with kids her own age. Although, I know some of the older kids and they are too immature for my 4.5 year old. And my friend acknowledges that,so...
I think you might be spot on re: good for playdates but not a genuine friendship. Yes, it does look like I will have to discuss it with her and figure out where she is coming from.
jojo
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Thank you!
