Wow, it was hard to make myself read the entire thread before posting. This is exactly where we have been with DD8, and I only realized this past year that I had/have the same issues. So, where to start...
Jen74: we also moved to this district because of the 'fantastic' school system here. We did not realize DD8 was gifted (yes, I have apparently been in denial my entire life); therefore, we didn't even ask about gifted programming (read: I'm a terrible mom). DD8 had a great time in Kindy - she now tells us that it's because that is where she really "discovered her love affair with legos" (seriously, those are her words). That teacher warned us that she would have trouble with some teachers, but that she is very bright (did not mentioned the term "gifted").
First grade was a train wreck. Teacher did not appreciate DD8 at all. She was tested for gifted program, but did not get in. Our gifted ID starts with achievement tests in math, science, social studies, language arts and reading. To qualify, you have to get above 96%ile in 3/5 of them. Because I insisted that our kids "have a childhood", we basically held her back during pre-school time, so of course she didn't do well enough on the achievement tests (read: yes, I'm a terrible mom). And we didn't push it because we trusted this 'fantastic' school system's judgement!! Her first grade teacher told us throughout the year that DD should be in the gifted program (DD had been telling her she was bored), but that "until she is able to complete her work in the classroom, she cannot recommend her for gifted again". We didn't push it because it would only get her 2 hours in a pullout program (again, bad mom...). Finally after a blue ribbon in the science fair that was clearly her own work, they tested her again and she blew it out of the water!
I thought first grade was rough until 2nd grade came along. That's when DD started refusing to do the work and telling teacher she hated her. The school started 'unofficially' suggesting ADHD or bipolar disorder. Luckily the gifted teacher looked back at those achievement test scores and the reasoning and creativity test scores and said "hmmm, maybe we should do an IQ test?" I, very confused, said "but she's already in gifted - how will that help?" That was the first I'd heard of LOG (stupid mom!).
I've always told people that you can't just rely on doctors to take care of you - you have to do your own research and take charge of your own health. So why didn't I do the same for her (or my for that matter) brain's health? (the worst mom ever-LOL).
Before I continue, I should mention that I'm known as an eternal optimist. However, while I kind of believe that some HG kids do fine in the ND classroom of a 'fantastic' school, I also believe that even that is likely an illusion. The kids that DD really relates to are in gifted with her, but their parents think all is well. However, from what I've read if those kids are also HG (and I believe they are), it's only a matter of time...
Kriston - thanks for being so open and honest. I am a perfectionist as well and did great all through school - that is until college when I didn't walk in knowing everything (it was only a matter of time). As you could tell from my comments in parens, I STILL beat myself up when I think I could have or should have done more or known more, etc. So yes, I'm thrilled that DD is "a behavior problem" so she will be better off than I am.
It is wonderful Jen74 that you are so ahead of the game. Whatever you decide for her school right now, continue to stay on top of things. As others have said - look for signs of stress. My DD was having stomache aches at bedtime. Then she started showing anxiety with habits like biting nails, fiddling with her fingers, etc. I was a knuckle popper - OK, I admit that I still am sometimes :-) With DD, they all disappeared for a few months when the school made extra accommodations for her.
Talk to her about her fears, etc. DD8 told me 2 nights ago that she has been noticing her anxious habits when she is "afraid of failing, of getting things wrong"; I don't think she would have figured that out if I hadn't noticed they were back (already?!) and made her aware of them and suggested that she try to find out what triggers them so she can fix the real problem. Also watch for bullies (the American Girl movie about Chrissy really helped with that issue by the way). And whatever decisions you make, don't expect them to even work for a whole school year. Remind yourself that your 'mistakes' are helping future kids, so they are really successes! (yes, I know I sound hypocritical, but I'm really trying to practice what I preach)
I hope this helps - if you even made it to the end of this LONG post!
