How would you have reacted if one of your kids decided to become the 'wild, rebellious, youngest' child? I'm glad your youngest has been treated well on campus - not everyone has that and unfortunately some lower tier universities do not treat them well. Some may get disciplined for matters that are trivial.
That seems like a nice watching and yet giving plenty of freedom. Also... how would you react if one suddenly decided they enjoyed smoking/vaping? Force them to quit? But yes, it's a reminder of what I could have been.
If there had been anything illegal, including underage drinking and vaping, we would definitely have intervened. The freedom I was happy to give included who they dated and who they chose as friends (they could choose friends who did illegal things such as underage drinking, but not if the illegal activities involved my kids) and how they organised their lives - my eldest went to a couple of dozen 18th birthday parties in her last year of high school, including one which was an overnight camping event one week before the major HSC exams. I didn’t think it was ideal, but I gave her that freedom and she still managed to achieve a 99+ ATAR and band 6 and E4 results (all highest bands) in 14 units which only two other students in our state achieved that year (in the top public selective school & top private school, respectively, in the state, whereas my kids all attended our local public school which is very lowly ranked, but it was another decision I let them make for themselves).
I’ve written all this in past tense as they are now legally adults. I would still counsel them (and offer alternatives if I can) if they ever discuss a decision with me, but other than deciding how much I would support any venture, it’s really up to them to make their own decisions. To give you an example of how I would approach a potential problem - we recently lost a young relative on my husband’s side of the family in a motorbike accident. My nephew (my brother’s son) recently bought a motorbike - my brother was distraught when my nephew announced this intention, so I offered to go halves with my brother to buy my nephew a convertible sports car instead. He has gone ahead with the motorbike purchase, but I have left the offer on the table if he ever has a near miss or changes his mind for any reason.
