We are new to the colors-and-consequences approach, and I agree that it is odd (and counterproductive) to cut back recess as a 'consequence' - after all, they only get 20 minutes a day to start with. What bothers me more is the kind of ritual humiliation entailed. The child must go to the front of the class and change his own color in front of everyone, and is, in effect, pilloried for the remainder of the day. DS found this upsetting (as would I), and we had a family meeting to tell him that our love for him was unaffected by the color of the day, and that as long as he tried to get along at school, we would help him sort out issues as they arose. I told him yellow was pretty good, actually - only one mistake!
Digressing a bit, Yesterday, we switched his backpack and forgot to give him his color chart (which the school, by the way, has never discussed with us). After school the teacher called to tell me he'd gone to yellow for hiding a piece of clay behind his back when she'd asked him for it (here, I fancy, you should imagine the theme from the exorcist playing in the background). Then, at the end of the day, he also called a girl a 'blockhead' (a la Lucy in Charlie Brown). We chatted and she said one favorable thing about him, but then concluded "I cannot tolerate disrespect towards me or the other children." I was taken aback by this comment and tone, and have since been trying to understand her severity.
We've been talking with a private school that takes a different approach. They insist on a consequence for every real rule infraction, but they make it short and swift (e.g., a short time-out), and the offender is asked to do something next day to make amends if there is a 'victim,' like write a note, draw a picture, or perform some kindness. Once the consequence has been administered, tho, it's subject over, let's move on to something else. I've thought about this approach for a day now, and I think it makes a lot of sense.
Last edited by fitzi; 08/23/08 01:34 PM.
