"she doesn't show any care about the feelings of people in her life. She orders people around and is basically a bully."
I had this issue with my child, or at least similar. it was hard to fathom, for me, anyway, if I was MORE firm with her, she would soften, but that is what occurred. I was at a point where I would respond to her screaming and rudeness by backing away and giving in, more and more, thinking she would "come around" or at least stop hollering. Or behave like my son, who just follows rules.
It literally took only 1 solid consequence to get her to get on a much better path, and it's been mostly uphill since then. I had to sit in her room for about 1.5 hours listening to her scream and not 'give in'.
