DS is, evidently, very "socially motivated" at school to the detriment of actually doing schoolwork. At home, he isolates and has no energy left for anyone/anything and isn't interested in having friends over, etc. He is gregarious when around people, though.
As for "not liking people," I would take that with a grain of salt because you say she really desires friends. She may be having trouble articulating something else, feeling disconnected, or even hurt.
I hope she finds someone special to befriend. Girls that age can be so awful--it's not surprising to me that a gifted, younger girl might have difficulty in that scene.
I agree that a lot of the Asperger's traits also seem like gifted traits. I realized DS was different-more-than-gifted when he went to full-time gifted program, and continued to "stand out," behaviorally.
You are allowed to think it's unfair to contemplate "one more thing!" Of course you wouldn't want life to be more difficult for your DD. I do think the ASD framework changes how you approach some challenges. That's the helpful piece to me, not the label per se, but how you think about the nature of it all and intervene supportively.
