Hi EmmaL. Glad to see you back. I know it's hard to see it from your perspective in the middle of the battle but this post sounds to me like you have made some significant steps forward from your posts a few months ago. That is really good news.
First of all breathe... This will be a process and you need to keep yourself as calm as you can in order to remain logical and keep the situation moving forward. Breathing is key here...
I am seeing progress in the guardian ad litem asking you and your ex to compromise, the school asking what you would like for them to do and the GAL asking what you would want from the school in order for him to be able to stay there. I was a GAL in the past and this is exactly what I would have asked you. It may be that you can request specific, concrete things the school can do so both you and your ex are satisfied and your DS gets what he needs. It may be that your requests are specific and concrete enough that the school tells your ex that you are being very realistic and they cannot meet your DS's needs. Or you can make requests that come across as outrageous and someone who cannot be reasoned with. In other words this is a great opportunity and you may be at a cross roads. Again breathe and remain calm and logical.
Please refresh my memory. As I recall your ex has your kids at a private religious school where your DS11 is receiving services but is still struggling. Right? Can you list the services he is receiving? Also how are they being provided - ie I think he has an IEP through your school district. Are they overseeing his services or is the school doing them? What program is being used for the dyslexia? At what frequency? What are the credentials of the person providing the service? How about OT? My DD - about to be 11 - receives daily Wilson intervention for her dyslexia and 3 1/2 hours a week of OT for her dysgraphia split between handwriting, keyboarding and working on voice-to-text. She also receive 1 1/2 hours a week of speech and an hour of counseling. (Her anxiety is well contained after 3 years with a private psych but continues to receive this service just to help deal with all the challenges she faces.) So it sounds like our kids are in very similar - very difficult - situations.
I would be *very* specific in your requests. And no, as much as you might want to don't get snarky. I think the school is trying to figure out how to help. I really do. They don't often see kids like ours - your DS might be the only one these folks see in their career. It takes time for them to understand and accept the reality of the situation. Hopefully with the GAL's help that has happened.
Have you had outside speech, OT and/or reading evals that recommend levels of services? If so that would be your starting point. Look at each one separately and make specific detailed requests, ie
- Wilson or OG daily, 30 (or 60) minutes, with a certified tutor
- An AT eval to determine if keyboarding, voice-to-text or other apps may be appropriate. (My DD uses notability a lot but there are many others)
- OT 3x per week to help with the dysgraphia
- Speech 2x a week
- counseling services at least an hour a week to address anxiety and depression
- opportunity for enrichment in an area of strength so his whole day is not just spent on the drudgery of his disabilities
These are just examples - you need to tailor yours to his needs and be as specific as you can and base it on recommendations from evaluators.
If the school can provide all of this by appropriately qualified people then you ask for a review in 3 months to make sure all is on schedule and is effective. The goal is for him to make more than a year's progress in a years time so he can start to catch up. This is to address the GAL's question of what would you want the school to provide so he can stay there. Practical, detailed and without emotion.
If the school cannot provide all of this then you focus on the compromise part. You work out a schedule where these service are provided elsewhere as part of his school day. Some families take one day a week away from school to do these things, or do them in the morning and then bring the child to school for the afternoon. Or maybe outside service providers can come to the school. If I'm correct that he has an IEP you may be able to get the district to provide the services. Remember your district is obligated to provide FAPE but your ex has elected to remove him and send him to private. This could be tricky getting services (at an appropriate level) from them while he is enrolled at the private. These services may therefore have to be provided privately at considerable extra cost. When we looked into that with a lovely little private I realized it wouldn't work and we enrolled DD in public. After a couple of years they agreed to send her OOD to a special Ed school because there was no way the public could provide the level of service she needed. Our private was willing but it would have been way too expensive. Give this religious school the opportunity to respond. You could end up with an unexpected ally.
I hope some of this helps. Good luck and please continue to keep us posted!
