Posting this to encourage other parents that junior high is tough and things will get better.
The social skills of my 16th year old son who is H.S. junior have improved so dramatically from when he was in junior high it's like he is another child. I keep wondering if I'm dreaming. When DS was in junior high I was very worried he'd end up one of those loner, gifted kids who wants nothing to do with H.S. because it's boring and stupid. Math & Band were the two classes that got him through junior high. When DS was in 5-7th grades he was quick to explode, couldn't talk with adults he didn't know very well and looked like an emo H.S. kid who stared at the ground most of the time. Sixth grade was the worst, for a few months he would only wear one outfit, was having anxiety attacks in class, and burned his bridges with his peers. I had many people who whispered to me wondering if he was ASD. His junior high counselor was really worried about him. She retired and I don't know how to reach her, I really wish she could see him now. It was not easy and my heart really broke at times for him.
Now to be honest DS still isn't the most social kid on the block. He's introverted and will probably always need some alone quiet time. And I'm sure we will have more teenage angst on the way particularly next year when applying to college. But he's at that teenage stage where he is telling me to go away and that he will take care of it himself!! HE is involved in Band, and a Robotics Club and just joined a new activity for the spring on his own. He has friends he meets outside of school. He can drive and insists on doing his own shopping for clothes. He already has next summer completely booked. He talks to other adults, he is polite, and he advocates for himself at school. His teachers who had him as a freshman have noticed a huge difference.
I am quick to dismiss this change as just maturity. But looking back at what I did, I didn't just ignore his problems in junior high. I put him in a social skills class in 6th grade. The class didn't seem to change much at the time but in retrospect I think many of those lessons just took a while to germinate. I got him professional help in 6th grade & again in H.S. He still see a psychologist once a month. I had his back and believed in him. I did back off and stopped pushing him into clubs & social activities in junior high. Basically I listened to him and didn't push him to be social when he wasn't ready. But I did push Marching Band on him for H.S. and it's been a huge success. I found him a overnight wilderness summer camp that he adores. Last year he went a month and took CIT training. I have cut his academic classes down to lower his stress, and allows him to do his activities, homework and still have some free time.
Just trying to say to all the junior high parents on this board who have kids are struggling with social skills. Keep at it, I know it's hard to watch your kid struggle socially and it never seems to get better fast enough. Keep at it things really can get better.
