legitimate authority figures?
"Legitimate authority figure" is the crux of the matter for my kiddo (DS7). Authority figures in general feel they don't have to prove themselves to be "legitimate"- and this is especially true when they are dealing with kids. Many adults and most kids will simply comply when confronted by authority.
DS responds well to working with a legitimate authority figure. The problem is that legitimacy can be easily damaged or destroyed by irrational actions or statements. As I've grown up, I've learned how to operate in this icky setting. But DS certainly has not, and his fury at being subjected to "illegitimate" authority is manifest.
Sooooo - I try to move him along the path of diplomacy. Using words that acknowledge THE JOB the authority figure has to do, and trying to HELP, not conquer.
DS has heard me say, softly, "I'm sorry - I don't think I made myself clear." Then go on to make my point. Later he asked - "Why did you apologize? You were clear. That guy was just not listening to you." I try to explain that the soothing words and tone are meant to defuse, and allow the person to hear me. And I gently point out that most adults aren't used to having this sort of discussion with kids. So, even if it's unfair, he has to be especially diplomatic. I use Piper's charmspeak as the template, if you are familiar with the second Percy Jackson series.
Work in progress, since our family is chock full of sensitive thinkers who take offense rather easily ....
