Eco as usual you have gotten A TON of great info above, I just want to add a couple of little things.

When DD was starting kindergarten in an interdistrict magnet I emailed her teacher explaining her fine motor deficits, that she was working with an outside OT in an effort to get her up to grade level for kindergarten and requesting that she be evaluated for in school services. It was a pleasant, matter of fact email. And it did *absolutely* no good. None. Not only was DD not evaluated for in school services her kindergarten teacher actively punished her for the fine motor deficit. "If she doesn't have a 504 or an IEP and she doesn't complete the writing assignment she doesn't go to recess. Period." When I asked about getting her evaluated for services, or for the requisite IEP or 504 so she wouldn't be punished on a daily basis for something she wasn't physically able to do, I was told (repeatedly) "Oh she'd never qualify - she's too smart."

When sitting in an emergency meeting about a month into the school year I brought this up and the assistant principal running the meeting turned ghostly white. The kindergarten teacher confirmed that she knew about DD's fine motor deficit and that she was in OT learning how to hold a pencil. She told the team that I had emailed her with this information before the start of the school year. The assistant principal turned to her and in a quiet, firm voice said "I need to see that email." Then... Nothing. I continued to be told that DD was too smart to qualify for any services and no in school services were provided.

So why am I telling you this? Because what I didn't know then was there is a certain magical combination of words that was needed to unlock the evaluation and services I was asking for and I hadn't used them. My statements and requests and explanations were crystal clear but I did not use the correct phraseology to unlock the magic door. If these people had used good common sense (or been committed to their obligations under child find) they would have done the right thing. However DD was a suburban kid in an interdistrict magnet located within an overburdened urban school district. They were not going to do a dang thing for her that wasn't absolutely and without question required of them.

What I now know, and what I advise every parent who comes to me in RL begging for help as they start the special Ed process, is go to Wrightslaw and research exactly how to word any request you make. Use the correct terminology. Become familiar with and get comfortable using terms like IDEA, FAPE, accommodations, LRE, etc. it shouldn't be necessary to become an amateur spec Ed attorney but sometimes that's the reality.

Also it's great that you found an advocate. IMHO this is an essential tool. Get yourself familiar with as many terms and protocols as you can before you meet with them but don't take any action yet. Make sure you have a clear action plan in place and know exactly what words to use before you proceed.

4 years ago when I started on this journey DeeDee gave me some great advice. If you can consider hiring out the advocacy piece. This is a marathon not a sprint and it will take its toll on you - physically, mentally, emotionally. psychologically. This is your child and the emotional investment is enormous. If the advocate is an unpaid one and saying they won't "do the work" for you and feel you can't handle a battle yourself it may be worth a few hundred dollars to hire someone. You will still be the decision maker and will still be steering the ship but you may be able to find an experienced person to do the heavy lifting.

Hang in there, I always say it's not an even playing field. School districts have been through this hundreds or thousands of times. They have protocols, procedures, attorneys, professional training. For most parents this is a first time experience and there is a steep, steep, STEEP learning curve. Some districts, like the one where DD did kindergarten, use that to their advantage. Cut yourself some slack, take a deep breath and understand that you are in the learning process right now. You don't have to make all these decisions right now.

And remember that this community is here to help you figure it out.

HTH