I would like to echo snowgirl's recommendation of Cal Newport's book: "How to Be a High School Superstar". Cal's approach is very similar to that expressed in MIT's Applying Sideways. Both say find one or two things that you really passionate about and pursue it deeply. We are taking this approach, and since our kids are doing what they really enjoy, we don't have that much stress in our house (so far anyway).
For DD, who is a sophomore, her deep interests are in art, which she will happily do for hours each day when there is time, and neuroscience, which fascinates her. She has won some awards for her art and teaches at a senior center but doesn't have much else in the way of community and leadership activities, and we are fine with that.
DS is only in 7th grade, and he has found his deep interests (earlier than I would like, as I would like him to keep dabbling in lots of areas) in both math and chess. Both of these activities take a tremendous amount of time and he is the busiest person in the house, especially after just being elected to student government, but he is happy as well.
