adamantly refusing even to shadow
Taking kiddo there on a stealth mission a week or more before the shadow date, just to watch the kids arrive in the morning or be dismissed at the end of the day... may help him get a feel for the environment and also help prepare him mentally as he could then picture the school, the door to go in, etc. While scoping it out or "spying" you and your child could discuss that the kids seem happy, seem friendly and visiting with each other, that the noise they are making seems joyful, whether the kids seem to have backpacks, or anything else he observes that might help shadowing seem a bit familiar and encourage him that he'd be accepted and fit in.
