One perspective is that this is a good thing, because it pushes her to do her very best, and one noticeable benefit is that her organizational and executive skills have seen a tremendous jump in the last year. Another perspective is that this feeds socially-prescribed perfectionism, and is ultimately unhealthy psychologically. I ascribe to the second one.
I'm so glad that you're aware of this dichotomy, Dude. Your DD reminds me so much of our DD at that age.
SUCH internal pressure on themselves.
I'm sad to report that DD15 is continuing to do this to herself in college, no less. Her classmates have no idea how young she is*, her professors like her and find her bright and engaging, and yet she is STILL struggling with the emotional side of feeling insecure and that every day is a test of her legitimacy.
Chemistry has been a struggle for her-- but she has connected with the professor, who
clearly sees precisely what she is, and is avidly engaging with her at this point as a result, reassuring her that, um-- NOoooooo, she is not "struggling" with the material-- at all-- and that once the computational side "clicks" she's going to be at the top of the class (all honors college students who already have a year or more of chemistry to DD's lack thereof). He has quite clearly told her that her conceptual understanding is stellar-- and that she
really ought to stick with it at least long enough to try some computational chemistry, since she seems to be so well-suited to P-chem.
Calculus and computer science have been comfortable and emotionally speaking they are the definite bright spots. I don't think either one of them is doing her a lot of favors in terms of pushing her development (though her calc prof likes to talk math with her after class and in his office hours). Computer science has been good since it's a large class experience for her, ALTHOUGH...
* her CS prof apparently dressed down this (DD's largest class at >>100 students) lecture section by pointing out that if the one young teen in that room could manage to interact civilly and respectfully and...
responsibly with both faculty and TA's for the course, well, then SURELY the rest of them, at 19yo plus, could manage it at least most of the time. At that point, her lab partner figured it out, since he noted "Heyyyyyyyy....you live at home. That's YOU, isn't it?? Cool! You must be SUPER smart. That explains why you're always the first one done."
Probably a bit unfair, but she definitely didn't call my DD out specifically.
DD has also noted that being obviously female and neutral or passive toward statements such as; "Let me tell you about my
Magic: The Gathering collection" is apparently the most potent aphrodisiac ever devised for engineering majors.
Quarter won't end until after Thanksgiving here. All seems reasonably well at the moment, though, and college has been LIGHT YEARS better than secondary ever was.
