Well, it depends on the child. My oldest has neurological damage and a swiss cheese memory so it's really hit or miss despite lots of scaffolding. I try to only help him as necessary with reminders. I tell him to mentally go down the list of all items he needs (wallet, cellphone, keys, lunch, water bottle, device, backpack, . . .) and actually stand there with him while he does that. With my DS11, I used his twin sister when he was too young/undeveloped (brain-wise) through about age 9. However, by 5th grade, I started making him responsible and suffer every consequence even when I could have saved him by for example dropping a word with his teacher. In DS11's case, while he is extremely absent-minded and likely will always be so, it turns out that he can manage to remember important things. Yes, I was kind of mean and unsympathetic, but he did learn and has improved substantially in the last year. There are still instances, but I usually walk him through the whole thing ad nauseum and discuss what he could have and should have done differently. I think that itself is kind of tortuous for him so provides additional incentive to not make the exact same mistake again. His schools are also big on planners and organization so that has helped. I also advise him to adopt set routines until they become automatic. For example, always stuff his jacket in his backpack before putting it in his locker as they are not allowed to carry their backpacks around school except before and after school.
