I have a very strong willed DS8. This quality is nothing that I want to squelch. As others have pointed out, being strong willed offers protection through peer pressure and I just think being strong willed is a great quality as an adult. We love independence in our house and encourage it as much as possible, even if the child is contrary and extremely strong willed.
As often as possible, we offer natural consequences in our house because, like your son, I also don't see the benefits of doing what your parents ask just because they asked. To use a couple of your examples, if DS doesn't want to go to sleep, fine. Stay up. But that alarm is going off at 7 and the thing that he wanted to do at 8 is going to be much more pleasurable with a full night's sleep. (And by they way, just saying, "Fine. You don't have to go to sleep.", pretty much ends the battle. DS usually falls asleep 10 mins after he says, "I'm staying up for a couple of hours.")
DS doesn't have to ever put his books away. But if they are left out or on the floor, they will be donated to the nearest used bookstore. If we are about to have dinner, only non readers are allowed at our table. (And only non whiners are allowed at our table too. He is free to whine all he wants in his bedroom. Or he can purchase his own table and whine while sitting at it.)
DS doesn't ever have to get dressed. But he is going to probably feel really embarrassed when his friend's mom pulls up in our driveway and everyone sees him in his underwear.
I doubt a child like yours or mine is going to find anything valuable in a book such as the one you seek. Sorry, but I think it's a good thing!
