My experience here is that the only way to make progress is to couch it in terms of making classroom management easier. I have never, ever uttered the word "gifted." I emphasize that we work hard on these issues at home, too, and that we want to be "aligned" with what they are doing at school.
For some reasons, schools love that word "aligned."
So anyway, I offer concrete strategies that have been successful at home and for other teachers/care takers. I say things like, "watch for [this specific] sign that he is getting wound up" and if you see it, redirect with a few calm words NOT related to behavior (e.g., "DS, can you show me where you are on this project, and what your plan is?"). "Try not to impose rules without explaining why they are necessary." Let DS sit close to you. Let DS sit at a table away from very loud kids. Etc.... When teachers hear "this will make your life easier" and "other teachers found this helpful" they more likely will give it a try.
One tangential point: It really PISSES me off (sorry for the harsh language) that if we mention this fundamental aspect of our children's being, teachers shut down. There is no other issue that kids deal with that gets so summarily dismissed.
My neighbor, bless her, has sensed this problem. Though I have NEVER discussed DS's IQ/giftedness with her (or anybody else), she has noticed how quick he is. She has a child who is challenged with LDs on the other end of the bell curve as well as some physical disabilites. She has remarked several times how much easier it is for her to get all sorts of support and accommodation from the school than for us to even get understanding for what DS struggles with.
I recall my neighbor's kind comments on days when I'm really beating my head against the wall. But I have this unbelievable feeling of frustration and anger that I can't even TALK ABOUT fundamental aspects of how his brain works. Because ... why?
It's somehow offensive? Oh but everybody loves reading stories about child prodigies. So long as the story only talks about thrilling successes. We'll have no discussion of difficulties posed by, integrally part of, that child's prodigious abilities!!
Or it's viewed as making excuses? Well, it's not viewed as making excuses when basically every other "diagnosis" is discussed. And many of them are based on less hard data than DS's PG-ness.
I'm venting uselessly here, but this makes me so sad and angry. And you guys are the only folks I can discuss this with.
Sue
