I think the key is to make it come across like you are trying to help her, rather than make her think differently.
Not all teachers welcome help or advice from well-meaning parents. Even though you are the expert on your child, this is their profession, and it's useful to approach them with that in mind.
It will be very hard for me not to go in without armloads of data as I am a research junkie, but I will sit and listen to the teacher with an open mind (try to). She has already made my child more miserable than she already was, and I have found that none of the teachers are familiar with HG kids so my go to behavior is to hand out articles.
I totally understand the idea behind going in with articles, and I'm a research junkie myself. This is a situation where you really need to be sensitive to the politics of the situation, however. It may seem that this teacher is unfamiliar with HG kids, but otoh, she most likely, if she's been teaching for at least a few years, has run into parents advocating for children that they consider to be gifted - whether they are gifted or not. There's also a good chance that she considers herself the expert on education, not you the parent. There's a subtle but real difference between trying to help someone understand behaviors that are due to giftedness and behaviors that are due to ADHD or an LD etc, and while research articles to explain Developmental Coordination Disorder might be welcomed if presented in the right way, an article about educating an HG child might be perceived entirely differently. That doesn't mean you shouldn't never ever do it - it's just been my experience that it's important to tread lightly and really think through what your objective in sharing the article is.
It sounds like your dd might need a 504 plan. Having her ADHD officially documented, with accommodations in place to help with organizational challenges. I'd also want to talk to the teacher because your daughter perceives she's been "scolded" but as a parent, I'd want to hear the teacher's explanation. It's possible your dd received the same feedback any other child in the class would have re the missing assignments - I found my children's teachers really started focusing on getting homework turned in starting in 4th grade, as a preparation for eventually going to high school and having to function independently re turning in assignments without prompts. This is a challenge for *many* children at your dd's age, not just for kids with ADHD. So yes, let the teacher know your child has ADHD and let the teacher know this impacts her ability to be organized, and try to approach this from "what can we do to work together to help dd learn how to get her homework turned in".
[quote]DD is now asking not to go to school so this is really tough. I hate that the other school we were wishing to switch to was not the best fit so we are stuck here for now.
It's easy to wish that there was a better fit school - but for kids who have organizational challenges (Executive Functioning) these will usually exist even in the best-fit schools. Having a class that meets your dd's intellectual strengths isn't going to make the organizational challenges go away. I found that for my 2e ds, even when he wasn't in an academically challenging setting, giving him support for his 2e needs made a huge difference in whether or not he was happy going to school. Having the support for his challenges in place also made it easier to advocate for differentiation, because the focus on the part of the school staff was no longer on his challenges.
Best wishes,
polarbear
