Gifted children are very sensitive to the feeling of being controlled. It is also probably a true statement that there will be many intense power struggles, so I guess the answer is to provide a safe environment in which everyone knows the boundaries but the child feels like she has control of her day, her choices within your parameters.
Do you have some studies or something for this? I only ask because this is so DS! And when someone takes power in a meaningless way and "just to show him who is boss," it doesn't just result in an annoying meltdown (or at this point he may not even tantrum as he used to as small child); it seems to really affect his sense of self worth and depresses him. I was the same and had pretty rigid parents who were all into "showing you who was boss" and "because I said so" and I think it resulted in..., not sure the word/phrase - mal-adjustment? certain poor emotional skills? And of course was really bad for my rel'p with my parents. So I raise DS differently. And I am not permissive but a person/kid like this has to be approached differently... Anyway just wondering if there is literature on this...
