She isn't the only one that embraces that message-- there is, increasingly, a lot of disquieting evidence that helicopter/Tigerish parenting that micromanages actually serves to handicap adolescents and young adults, because it sends them a message that they aren't capable of dealing with things themselves. That parents HAVE to do it, or they would "screw it up" somehow... that real problems are too much for them to manage.

Bubble wrap is not good for children's development, in other words.

I'll try to recall the other recent book that I read on this subject. It really gave me a moment of epiphany as I looked at my own communication/interventions as a mom. Yes, there are some things that are too big/risky for me to completely let go of... but a LOT of this stuff is little stuff. Getting a "B" because you don't do your homework is little stuff. Wrecking the car by driving irresponsibly is a big deal. Perspective, YK? If you don't let them manage the little decisions, how on earth can they assume that they are competent to do the big ones??


After I read it, I stepped back and realized that I need to do a better job of communicating to my DD that I trust her judgment. I trust HER to make decisions, and have faith in her ability to figure things out for herself. She's competent to figure out what to do when (little) things go wrong. I shouldn't make her question that by arm-chair quarterbacking continuously.

I bite my tongue a lot more than I used to. It's been amazing how much more confident she is, and how much better her problem-solving skills have gotten just in the past few years, as I've started looking at her a bit skeptically if she ASKS me to do things for her that I think she should be doing for herself. It's been delightful to watch her. smile

Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.