His play skills aren't very good and I thought all of the learning material at his school would really appeal to him.
That's a fairly standard problem for a child with ASD. They don't necessarily play with toys OR peers, and they may just wander around a classroom in frustration.
We taught DS11 play skills as part of his ABA therapy. It helped quite a bit.
I was also worried that in a play based environment he would just do non functional stuff in his own space and not really get anything out of it socially or academically.
Seems very likely to me. It's great that you have the dx in hand now because it means you can target skill-building-- but much has to be actively taught and supported for preschool to be successful for a child with ASD. You can't assume they are going to pick up social skills or school-behavior skills from their environment.
The IU has flat out refused any IU preschool placement for him as they don't have the right fit. I guess since preschool is not officially a required grade they don't have to provide anything?
See Mana's and my previous posts. They owe him a Free, Appropriate Public Education. From the age of 3. Do not let them tell you otherwise!
They also said that all the behavior problems usually disappear when Mom is out of the room. That worked out well obviously.
Either they are ill-informed, or they are hoping you'll go away. You may have to be tenacious to get this done.
We have not had any success getting any ABA therapy. We have been told that he is too high functioning to need it.
If there are issues of aggression, poor play skills, etc. then he's not too high functioning to need it. "Functioning" is essentially a label for IQ, but it has nothing to do with how disabled a person is by their autism. My DS11 has a very high IQ, and is highly verbal, but he is also quite disabled by his autism and has really benefited from direct teaching of skills through ABA.
The nice thing about ABA is that it's individualized. Our team quickly learned that DS did not need some of their standard stuff-- and he DID need some stuff they weren't used to teaching-- but their strategies could be adapted to teach DS precisely the things he needed. We still use them to shape behavior now, at age 11.
Those early years are a really good time to build skills, because you'll never have this much control over his time again (unless you homeschool, which isn't the only way to get the job done). I'd go back to the IU, call an IEP meeting, and press for an appropriate placement as well as services.
What state you are in matters, too. In some states there are state-run scholarship programs that fund private school placements for kids with autism where there isn't something appropriate in the local district. A local parent support or advocacy group can probably advise you about what's working well for other families.
