Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Acceleration and growing up too fast

I apologize for posting a lot lately, but it is wonderful to have somewhere to ask these things where people understand. I see so many posts about kids who are accelerated without problems (except those from the school). I'd like to know if anyone else has had this challenge.

My DD is 9 and in 4th grade after one grade skip. It is a combined 4th/5th grade class and she generally works on 5th grade group work and on more advanced individual work (it is a charter school that lets children work at their own pace). She is a DYS. Because she is working so far ahead, I don't see any way she can return to regular school after 8th grade, when the charter school stops (she will either have to be homeschooled or go to college early). She realizes that regular high school may not be an option and seems not to mind (I've told her she can go for social reasons if she wishes, but she seems uninterested so far).

She just had a birthday and is miserable. She loves working ahead and being accelerated, but is unhappy about feeling like all of her friends are becoming teenagers and going through puberty. She has a few friends her age, but most are older (12, 13) and no longer interested in just doing childish things (like just playing outside and being silly). She feels like she is missing out on getting to be a child and having to grow up too fast; she didn't want to plan a birthday party.

I think part of it is that she is very worried about all of the responsibilities and big decisions of growing up; instead of being excited, she feels the weight of it.

Has anyone else dealt with this? I try to arrange for her to get to do things designed for kids her age as much as I can, but it doesn't seem to be enough. She also needs time with kids who "get" her, and that's really hard. We're also trying to help her with her worries about growing up; we have made progress, but not enough.

I've never met a child who wasn't excited about growing up and all of the opportunities that come with it (like learning to drive). For example, one concern about acceleration that I've seen is that others will be able to drive while the accelerated child can't, which seems to be the opposite from our problem (in other words, the common concern seems to be that kids will want to grow up as quickly as their older classmates rather than wanting to enjoy their age). Has anyone encountered this sort of challenge?