Welcome!
Yes, sometimes it can feel like you're living in an alternate universe when you have such an asynchronous child. Here you will find many others with similar experiences. Hopefully, joining this community will help with the isolation and anxiety.
Other people, whether strangers or family, will react in various ways that you may want to prepare a few stock responses. Your child will learn self-acceptance from hearing how you respond and later on self-advocacy from what you model. I've had several people physically recoil and look shocked when they notice my son reading in public. I kept my response brief and even toned - something along the lines of the comment, "Yes, he loves books" and I move on to the next topic. It has never gone farther than that in terms of negativity.
With family you can choose a light touch or have a direct conversation regarding the "party tricks" aspect. They're probably proud of her and amazed, but not aware of the potential negative ramifications. Perhaps, "I know you are all so proud of _______, but now it's time for her to _______".
The friend's comments seem to be more negative. That will probably require a separate conversation framing the issue in a way they can relate to such as that when they point out your child's differences and infer that you're doing something wrong, that it is negatively impacting your friendship.
Let them know about the differences in developmental continuums (perhaps a brief example of where your daughter is below and above) and that you don't want any more conversations turning into a comparison of the differences in your children. This conversation can lay the groundwork and establish boundaries for what is sure to be an on-going issue as your child grows older.
When my DS3 first turned 3, he came home from his first week of drop-off classes and sadly remarked that none of the other children shared his interests. Some children, depending on their intensity of interests, awareness and development, may realize quite early that they're different. I've worked with my son on how to join in play with others even when their interests don't intersect. Prepare now for finding bridging activities that allow your child to experience some positive relationships with other children.
One last thing...perhaps the hardest part. Learn to embrace being "that mom". This is your new role with different rewards and challenges, and it's going to be a long, long road perhaps with different people then who you started with who fully accept and embrace you and your family with all your differences.
Resources that helped me:
http://www.amazon.com/Exceptionally-Gifted-Children-Miraca-Gross/dp/0415314917http://www.sengifted.org/archives/a...t-gifted-children-look-for-in-friendshiphttp://www.amazon.com/Cradles-Eminence-Childhoods-Famous-Women/dp/0910707561http://www.amazon.com/Levels-Gifted-School-Educational-Options/dp/0910707987http://www.amazon.com/A-Parents-Guide-Gifted-Children/dp/0910707790http://www.sengifted.org/http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/
