I'd try to figure out where you think she's got weaknesses (probably written expression-- but you're still a year or two away from that, even, and likely going to have to wait on fine motor development) and then make "school" (that is, formal instruction from you) about THOSE things, but with a spash of whatever her flavor-of-the-month happens to be.
You probably WILL have to teach her to tolerate being told what to do. At least part of the time, this is just reality. Better to learn it from someone who loves you too much to walk away when you pull out every stop in an effort to redirect. KWIM?
But pick your battles carefully-- and battles there will be with this sort of child. Never forget that they ARE children-- no matter how skillfully they can manipulate adults, or no matter how much they can fast-talk you like a TV defense attorney.
I can honestly say that I never in a million years would have believed some of the FIGHTS that my DD and I have had over her need to do as I was telling her. I mean, I'd have believed those things of a 15yo. But she was FIVE.
My daughter, had I permitted her to have her way completely, would NEVER have learned writing skills at all. She would not have note-taking skills. In other words, she would be outstripping my ability to facilitate her learning... but also be utterly unprepared to go into an environment where she COULD continue learning (college/uni). So my primary goal over the past seven years has been to keep an eye on the developmental arc that will take her into college-- and make sure that her support skills are up to that task. If she can't compose written work and take notes like a college student, then she's going to have trouble accessing that learning environment. I have the maturity to realize that; she doesn't. So in spite of her reluctance to work on those skills that most needed it, I had to insist. Sometimes forcefully. I didn't do that because I needed to control her or because I wanted to "win" some power struggle-- but because I could see why letting HER win that struggle would be bad for her in the long run.
