Hi all,
I'm hoping for some insight on my nearly 4yo boy. His personality was pretty intense and high-needs from birth, and right now it's coming out in a way I find especially challenging to deal with: he wants to talk with you all the time and needs an adult to play with him. All. the. time. He attends a terrific play-based preschool 3x week, but the rest of the time he's home with me (my spouse works a lot, so I am generally primary parent).
I think this is a developmental leap, maybe, because it's definitely much more intense right now than it has been over the past months. It seems that there's some kind of thing going on where he's looking for his own optimal arousal level, and I am kind of at a loss about how to help him meet his needs while also not losing my own mind. He has never really been the kind of kid who will play alone, but right now I'm finding it especially tough. The talking is non-stop, the science questions are non-stop, and the imaginative or building play he needs me to participate in is also non-stop. For reasons both selfish (I'm a sociable introvert - the constant talking and interaction totally overwhelms my system if I can't get breaks and silence.) and practical (Somebody's gotta clean the kitchen!) I really, really, really need the day to not be a straight shot of speculating about gravity and why space doesn't have a floor and being assigned imaginary roles in his Duplo play and freaking out if I have to go to the bathroom.
A couple of things are confusing to me here: his father and I are both what I'd call semi-sociable introverts/highly-sensitive weirdos. Frankly, I'm kind of surprised that my child is currently needing so much input. I'd almost describe it as sensory-seeking behavior, except the inputs he's seeking seem to be less motion or sound-oriented, and more... information-related, and it seems to build on itself. I don't know how else to describe it. It's like, he'll get on a thing where he's interested in germs, and I'll try to facilitate his need for information, we go to the library, I buy some books, we watch Youtube science videos about cell division, I do my best to help him find answers to his questions, etc. And to me, as an adult, that all seems like enough input that it would kind of make his little brain very busy assimilating these ideas, so that he would not also require the separate constant conversation and constant social interaction from me? (I mean, that's how MY brain would work, if I were acquiring a lot of new data - I would need to be quiet and in my head part of the time.) But instead, it sort of seems to me like he goes into these phases of needing more more more, more data, then that leads to needing more conversation, more social interaction, MORE. I get the impression that his ideal would be for me (or another adult) to be like his helper animal, a constant, focused presence, constantly talking, constantly interacting, nearly every second he's awake.
And it does seem to me that he also has the traits of being introverted and having a high-reactive nervous system (things are often too loud, he watches from the edge of the playground before becoming involved, etc.) so I feel really confused about what's going on here and now I can help.
Basically, I am exhausted! Does this ring a bell for anyone? Is this just a phase? Have you been through this and been able to help your kid?
