All have told me they won't test her until 4th grade or put her in gifted until 4th.
Welcome. I'm fairly new as well, and our DD has many of the same characteristics. We requested that she be given the CoGAT in Kindergarten. It was finally given in late Kindergarten. Over the summer we saw a child psychologist and DD was given the Wisc-IV.
Visiting the child psychologist was the best thing we ever did because:
1-An unbiased professional opinion went a long way with my husband.
2-It was helpful to get additional insight about emotional intensity and how it relates to what she experiences.
3-It has helped us a parents better understand asynchronous development issues.
4-Having the test results are helpful. Depends on the school district and players involved as to how helpful they allow the scores to be, but that is a subject for another day.
Good luck!
Are there any SENG parent groups in your area? Or, parent group through the school district for parents of kids in the Talented and Gifted program?