We found with our 2E boy (now 10) that we needed to cultivate the skill of being interested in what interests others. This didn't mean shutting off his own interests, but reading situations: realizing that other children on the playground may not be interested in obscure astronomy facts, and recognizing that their games are fun too.
Deedee, this is especially helpful. Other than Cub Scouts, what other activities have you tried ? I am looking for ideas.
We have gotten different mileage out of different things.
Cub Scouts was great for expanding the range of things he can do and likes to do with others. He was not born outdoorsy; but has become a capable camper and player-in-the-woods. This is nice because the Scout activities were both structured (giving a role to everyone, socially easy) and included free time (harder; but you're already in the group).
Destination Imagination has been amazing for teamwork and creative thinking, learning to respect someone else's idea and work with it. I coached the team, so I could support DS (and the other kids) in how to do this. It also fosters a feeling of accomplishment (because there is a competitive tournament at the end), making the team thing feel worth while.
There is also children's choir. Choir is a low-investment service activity; he isn't always thrilled to rehearse (though he likes performing); but we emphasize that everyone should have one thing they do to use their talents for others.
We also explicitly taught sports skills. We parents do not give a hoot about sports, but in our part of the country, it is an obligatory skill set, especially for a boy. You need to know the rules of the games, you need to be able to throw and catch a football or maneuver a soccer ball. We found out what they played at recess in the grades above where he was, and worked on the constituent skills till he had them. He does now play with other kids in their games-- this was a social win for us.
I don't want him to conform, for the sake of conforming, but I do want him to have good friends, as he grows older.
Cultivating that flexibility and interest in many things seems like a way to help him find some ways to connect. At least, that has been our strategy.
He is so glad to be a teen who doesn't have to play anymore with kids who won't play "right".
My son says this a lot -- he wishes that he could just play his way.
In our particular corner of 2E world (autism spectrum) the common reading of that kind of thing is that it's inflexibility. Of course everyone should get to play their own way some of the time; but people should also adapt to one another, too. It's a valuable life skill IMO.
DeeDee
