Also FWIW, our DD had outbursts similar to what you describe last year when she was in 3rd grade (and 8). This year she is much much better--the difference has been a supportive teacher (in a different school) who is helping her with her various issues when she needs it. Also last year there was a very socially adept girl bully who helped bring out the worst in her and the teacher didn't get that at all (despite at least three other 'regular' girls having trouble with this bully as well--what gives?). I think our DD has some of the Asperger's/ high-functioning autism characteristics but still think she doesn't meet all the criteria--nevertheless, in last year's environment, she was tentatively diagnosed with ODD as well as ADHD and Asperger's. From what I have read about ODD, it is very serious and sounds much more disruptive than what we have seen--so it is good you are looking into the differences between the different diagnoses. I think it's also important to consider exactly what is setting your DS off. I don't know what's a 'normal' amount of homework, but 1-2 hours for a 9-year-old seems like a lot to me. Our DD is in Montessori so for now she only has homework if she hasn't finished something during regular school time (which is unusual--two or three times so far this year). Of course I expect that to change when she goes to a more mainstream school year after next, but anyway, I don't expect it to be easy to get her to do that much. Good luck figuring all this out.
