You could easily be describing my DD. She is just socially both astute and
cautious. She's also an introvert. I, too, think that Zen Scanner really nailed this phenomenon.
Once my DD feels like she knows all the in's and out's of a social group, you can't shut her up... LOL. But until then, she's like a fly on the wall, intently studying dynamics that most people would roll right over or not even notice. She's actually a great kid to have in a situation with other introverts because she is so good at connecting with them and drawing them out.
I used to worry that my DD was too non-assertive or withdrawn, too-- but she really isn't. This is just who she is. She has always been this way, and it's completely functional for her.
But I feel bad for her. It seems she's not able to "let loose" and just be a kid. She has always been a worrier and concerned about things that kids shouldn't even think about and that from a very early age. So what do I do? I feel like since she's always doing what is expected and behaving perfectly, the teachers will never know what she's capable of and she will go for the rest of her academic life just blending in. She never asks for anything, never draws attention to herself, does what's expected and goes home. Am I worrying for no reason? Or should I push her out of her comfort zone before she turns into a total introver?
It doesn't sound to me like the behavior is causing HER much anxiety, right? In that case, I'd probably opt for private testing to show what she's capable of (if you're worried that the school won't notice/care) and not worry about trying to make an introverted and thoughtful child into something she isn't.
If she's always been like this (and it's not situational, which it sounds like it isn't), then trying to make her "less introverted" is probably doomed to failure and will rob her of the chance to be... well,
herself. My advice would be very different if this seemed to be causing her distress in terms of repetitive or maladaptive behaviors, or if she were indicating to you that she was unhappy.
Introverts can be surprisingly content
observing rather than actively participating in ways that make sense to extroverts.
Gifted children who are great students of the human condition like this OFTEN seem to have "big questions" and big thoughts on the brain. Yes, this seems very age-inappropriate in some respects. It is, in some respects. But it is also just who these children are. They are also surprisingly strong and pragmatic, I've found.
Does she "cut loose" in some circumstances where she is 100% comfortable and knows people very well? That, too, is fairly typical for gifted introverts. And really, a slowness to warm up to people you've just met? Not necessarily a maladaptive thing, really.
