I hope fwtxmom won't take offense to what I will write below. My DS is not as old as yours (aged 8) He is in the French equivalent for 3rd grade, so definetely with less homework than in 6th grade. He is dyslexic, has a lot of problem with writing and ADD. He can spend much more time than the others for his homework ....
I completly agree with others about that if he is lying, it is not a matter of respect or whatever ... It is a matter of "survival". 11 is on the edge of adolescence and much care have to be taken on the mental aspects of life so close to this turning point. I understand that school is important and that you wish your son succeed. Everybody does, but at one point, pros and cons of hard work have to be weighted. Is lying an hidden request for help ? Please do not think that I am acusing you of being a bad mother or so (a French shrink speciality that I hate). Even if my DS is younger than yours, I daily face the same issue.
I just attended last weekend a conference on giftedness, and every speakers tell that much of gifted children success depend on self-esteem. It is not a discovery, but working on selfesteem is defenitly not an easy thing with ADD kids. PUnishing is not a way to work selfesteem. Try to discuss with him why he is lying, make him understand that what you dislike is his behaviour and not his own person (so that he understands that the love you have for him is not affect by that), try to make him think on how he can manage without lying to you. May be you could tell him that you prefer that he admits that he does not complete his homework rather than lying. Then, he has to accept the consequences for not completing. But, I do not think that punishing is a constructive way for that especially for ADD kids. These kids need rewards (immediate not delayed) for what is done (even if not completed). But, instead of an hour playing (or whatever leisure) it could be half an hour. So the reward is still there but there are also the drawbacks of a not completed work. Moreover this presents the advantage of allowing him to still have spare time what is definitely as important as having the work done to my mind...
PS : my opinion for my son (each kid s different from the other): When doing the homework, I always wonder where is the point where he will start hating school ... I have no answer to that. But it is truly a source of anxiety for me.
