I think the greater issue we're trying to figure out is what to do in the schools. They make some small accomodations for him, it's not terrible, but I feel like there's something not right, and that there should be a way to allow him to be more engaged.
I would approach this both from home and from school; because you want the school to be directly teaching and supporting the engagement skills, but you also ideally want to be teaching those skills in outside therapy so they get picked up faster.
We requested evaluation a couple of years ago, and it went ... weirdly. I do not want to get into specifics, but I'm still not sure if they (a) didn't understand what he needed, or (b) didn't WANT to understand.
Schools are highly variable in their capacity to understand a kid like this. The gifted/ASD combination is already quite rare-- and the further you go toward the extremity of the gifted spectrum, the rarer it gets, for obvious statistical reasons. They are not likely to ever have encountered a kid like yours-- ever, in their whole careers-- so unless they themselves are really investing in figuring him out, they may not manage it.
Having the outside evaluation report to approach them with, for them to use as a basis for their own evaluation, should help. We have also brought our outside psychologist, ABA case supervisor, and an advocate to school meetings to help the school staff understand DS10's needs. They can talk professional-to-professional with high credibility, and develop advisory relationships that train the teachers to do the right things. I believe this has had a transformative effect in our school: certainly it has helped us get from total dysfunction (the early grades) to feeling like his needs are being met extremely well (grade 4 was amazing, grade 5 looks to be just as stellar).
I am sorry to hear about the terrible teacher- that can do a lot of damage. I'm glad you are advocating.
I want there to be machinisms in place that keep him safe (from his spaciness), moderately involved, and not lagging behind. I don't know what those machinisms should be or could be. I think the outside diagnostics might possibly help identify some things and give us documentation that there is a need. *fingers crossed*
Absolutely. There are lots of skills that can be taught for staying "checked in" and for participating-- some can be taught outside school, but many require the support of a good special ed teacher in the classroom to prompt the right behavior until it is second nature and consistently being used in context.
You can write IEP goals that gradually target more and more classroom interaction ("will raise hand and contribute once during a class discussion, twice per day" etc.), and then teach all the constituent skills for helping him achieve this goal. There are also gadgets that help a person remember to stay on task-- look up the "motivaider." Again, all these require special ed support. It is not surprising that a person with a PDD-NOS diagnosis would need extra help in mastering these skills. I bet your son could make huge progress with the right teaching.
I'm glad you mention ABA therapy. I am actually considering it for my other (more autistic) child right now. We are often swimming in copayments due to all the therapy we do, but I think it's going to soon become available for us to do ABA, and I've gotta get that ball rolling. You would definitely recommend, it sounds like?
Based on what you've said here, I would recommend it for both of your kids. It's just a way of teaching skills and/or modifying behavior. Our ABA case supervisor has also been key in going to school, taking data on what's going on there, and troubleshooting with teachers-- which means that school and home are working together consistently, and it has evolved into a great and well-functioning partnership.
Hope that helps,
DeeDee
