I think that you have gotten some great suggestions. I also find that it is helpful to put it all in writing after you have had one of these meetings. I try to do this informally, usually through email. I would let her know that you plan to send an email confirming what you discussed. I usually phase it as "I just want to make sure that we both heard the same thing." I usually include my "responsibilities" as well, such as "I know that you have a lot on your plate. I will send you an email when we get close to conferences to let you know what we are seeing at home and to remind you about the extra data so we both can be prepared for the meeting." Once I have agreement from the person, I let them know that I will send out a copy of the email correspondence to the team so that we can all be on the same page. I've found that if I tell people what I am going to do, i.e. send out emails, they tend to be less defensive and don't perceive them as an attack.
