Get her in a sport that challenges herself against her own best, that has high standards, and gets her physically exhausted.
My two older kids were very much like this, and once they started climbing, things were much better for everyone. They were happier, and so was I.
All that intensity that used to be directed at whatever roadblock I'd put up in front of their unrelenting pursuit of the moment instead went into challenging themselves to do better on the next route on the wall. Both were national contenders for several years, and it was all self-driven.
The other was having to deal with teammates and a coach who dealt on a much more basic level. Want to argue? Do 20 more pushups. Want to challenge my idea? Run another lap.
Now I'm not saying it was happily ever after or that I got to sit around a drink mint juleps in the afternoon while they were perfect children. Far from it. But at least I didn't spend most days wondering how I was going to get through the constant demands.
Hope this helps.
