He also sometimes sees them as competitors, which makes him feel anxious; and he misreads social cues so that even if someone is not making fun of him, he may think they are.
My ds is more likely to sit back and take the blame or let himself be misunderstood. He doesn't seem to care, but if you ask him about it later, he'll say that he noticed it and that he didn't particularly think it was right. Yet, he doesn't make a big deal of it and doesn't say a thing about it unless prompted. I worry about this. I wish I truly knew if he was okay, or if this is something to be concerned about.
Gym is hard... it can be overstimulating AND competitive, both of which have been issues for my DS.
That particular class was his first large group experience. This past year we joined a different co-op and he had very little trouble with being accepted. His motor and social skills have improved, so maybe that's why. The only complaints he had when I talked to him after class were that the other children seemed to want to play younger kid games. He stated too that the other kids never seemed to be interested in what he was interested in ---science, nature, books, etc. He doesn't have any obsessive interests to blow them away with, so perhaps that's more of a PG issue.
He's an only, and he's homeschooled, so he loves to interact with other children when given the chance. I think he compromises now by coming down to their level, doing what they want, just to be around them. I think he realized last semester at co-op that this isn't the most fulfilling, yet what's the alternative?
I encourage you to see if you can find ways to stretch him to be flexible. This can be as simple as running out of a favorite food (brand of bread, style of peanut butter) and having to substitute something else on the fly; or driving home a new way; or changing the schedule unexpectedly. This sort of thing encourages him to be OK with alternatives, which in the long term reduces anxiety.
This is one of the reasons why we initially doubted the AS dx --we've not seen him as inflexible, at least when we look at lists of behaviors for AS like the one above. He's had a total of two tantrums in his eight years, and that's including the toddler years. He's very go-with-the-flow and he doesn't protest to anything. He will offer his opinion, but then he lets it go without a fuss. Could it be that he's just exhibiting differently than many AS kids? (Like I would know what's normal!)
Correcting constantly is no fun, but that's the route we've taken. Only if he can be made to understand what's acceptable, and how to do it, can he learn to take responsibility for his actions and do the right thing. We say: "In our family, we figure out the right thing to do, and we do it, even if it's hard."
I've always had the same attitude, even before we knew anything about the PG and AS issues; if anything, I'm one of those who corrects too often. I don't let too much slide. However, as this 'thing' is developing with him, it seems as if he can't control it, and he can't seem to explain it. He just says, "I seem to have a big problem with focusing. I don't know why I can't _____." It doesn't seem to matter how many times we talk about it or walk through it, he just isn't "aware" in the moment if he's zipping around in play.
Okay, I guess I'm back to "just take him to a doctor." Any suggestions for the 'type' of doctor?
Thanks again.
