Grinity had a really wonderful response to a similar question sometime in the past year or so. It was along the lines of her being the one doing all the research but expecting her DH to be an equal partner in the decision making, and finally coming to terms with her having more weight in the decision process since she was the one doing the research. If you can find it, I'd recommend reading it (it's fairly old though).
DH and I are on the same page, and we go to all formal teacher meetings together. I am the researcher and driver in the effort, I share my research with him verbally, and as we bounce ideas around, we come to agreement on our conclusions. He does defer to me since I'm the one with stronger opinions and my own childhood full of gifted baggage, er, insight, to draw from.
