I was in that exact position when my DS, PG/ADHD was in elementary school. He eventually skipped 5th and it was wonderful, we got a chance to reverse the underachievement and all that was left to deal with was the ADHD-I.
However, when high school rolled around, I suddenly started to understand what it was that the Schoolies were seeing that made them worry that DS wasn't 'mature enough' for a skip. DS was perfectly able to get B+s in 9th grade in all the Honors classes, but he wasn't able to really engage with the work at home in a meaninful way. If I hadn't wanted to keep the door open to the most competetive colleges, I would have given things more time, but DS being a year younger, AND ADHD-I, AND not particulary skilled at perspective taking (on has to get on a teacher's wavelength to some degree to get As in High school) AND that we had options as a family, AND that DS expressed an interest in Boarding school gave our family the opportunity to let DS decelerate and do 9th grade again. And he had a great year all around, and his organizational skills are some of the best of his agemate boys. He figured out how to make the classes more interesting by putting in more work and working with the teachers. Amazing.
So I think the skip was absolutely needed at the time, and I think the deceleration was needed at the time...sort of like breaking up with a boyfriend doesn't mean that the whole experience was a failure if it didn't lead to marriage, see? DS15 got invaluable experiences out of both.
But I was able to finally understand what the Schoolies were so worried about.
So I would urge you to keep saying your truth - you have the most inside information about your child. Keep sharing the emotional toll of his current situation (cry if the tears are near) and explain that not making a change is still a choice that can help or harm a child. (The natural assumption is that if the child follows the normal path and things go poorly that it isn't anyone's fault, but if the child skips and things go poorly then the Schoolies should feel badly and responsible without ceasing.)
Remind the school that you as parent are responsible for his social/emotional growth and that they are responsible for his academics, and offer to sign a paper resolving the school of responsiblity for his social/emotional development. That might be what it takes.
Remember that what you are asking for is flexibility to meet his needs NOW, and keep in mind that flexibility is always what gifted kids need to succed in a school environment that is poor fit.
It's weird to have the same conversation over and over again, but try to act as if it's the first time ever. One fried told me to just 'not hear' anything negative said by the Schoolies and keep making your point over and over. It worked for her.
You may also want to consider what other possibilities there are.
Remind the school that you ALL want what is in the child's best interest. Bring the article 'what a child doesn't learn'
Learning good work ethic is part of emotional growth.
Love and More Love,
Grinity
