here's the set up...
Kid A "tattles" on kid B at almost EVERY Girl Scout meeting lately. Kid B is not hurting anyone physically or engaging in dangerous behavior. I do give Kid A credit for coming to me with what she feels is a problem, but I don't exactly "believe" Kid A's assessment of the situation. Not that she is lying, but that she should solve these issues herself or that she is making a big deal out of nothing. I need to have a chat with Kid A's mom because this is really wearing on me (I'm the GS leader).
Kid A is kind of a bossy pants and an instigator (the kind that starts something then runs off before the real trouble starts) and used to being charge (like her mother). Another mom tells me that Kid A was the ringleader of some bullying and exclusion directed at her son when they also went to this school. We had Kid A over to spend the night last year and I caught her and my DD trying to PULL the younger kid out of bed so Kid A could sleep in her bed. When asked "Who's idea was this?" my kid said "Kid A" and Kid A said nothing (lying by omission?).
What I THINK is really happening...Kid B (yes, my kid), now that she is out of that oppressive school seems to be trying to find her voice and developing confidence and a backbone. Plus she's stubborn as all get out. I admit that lately she seems to be overcompensating at times, being a little extra bossy herself. I think that...
1-Kid A has seen Kid B get in trouble so many times that any friction is now blamed on Kid B...
2-Now that Kid B has developed some esteem, she isn't letting herself be pushed around by Kid A and Kid A doesn't know how to react...
3-Kid A enjoys those kind of games kids play that are ambiguous in rules and is the sort to lead the game, then change the rules partway through when she's not winning...and that's not a judgement, I notice lots of kids are like that and lots of other kids don't mind those kinds of games, but my kid (Kid B) is literal and inflexible with things like that.
4-I think Kid A tattles to deflect attention from herself. Her mother claims she is a "truth teller" but Kid B breaks down INSTANTLY when she is trying to lie...I have SEEN Kid A flat out lie with a straight face...
Kid B isn't complaining about Kid A, but I'm BEYOND exhausted with Kid A's constant tattling! I need to say something to her mom, but obviously, Mom A is going to get defensive, etc...I'm so used to my kid getting in trouble for things that I have really started to look at the whole situation and I'm pretty sure Mom A still has blinders on when it comes to her kid.
Mom A and I are GS leaders together and I think some of this stems from that...the whole "leader's daughter" thing, I'm sure you've all seen that...plus Mom A and I are both pretty strong personalities, so I can see where both girls would feel that they are "right" no matter what...
I'd like to hear some suggestions on what I can do to bring this up to Mom A and try to discuss it in a way that she really HEARS me but at the same time, not sounding like I am attacking her DD. Personally, I think this is kid's stuff and they need to work it out between themselves, but that doesn't seem to be the "popular" parenting method lately, lol!
