I'm still trying to sort out the difference for Butter between not listening and not hearing. We have had some similar frustrations in other settings where it was apparent to me, after the fact, that it WAS indeed a matter of perception or communication...ie a difference between "Are you coming to guitar class" and "Are you going to PLAY guitar with us today?" To the adult in charge, these statements were the same, to Butter, they are vastly different.
As far as not doing what others are...if I am present, this does not seem to be a problem, but I know she feels "seperate" or different than others most of the time and I wonder if it's that or maybe executive function. Like if you ask her to change tasks, she sometimes seems confused as to how to stop one thing and move to the other. Again, at home, not a problem, but like, if her hands are already full and you say "Now we are picking up trash," she doesn't always get the implication that she needs to put down the stuff in her hands first. Then she gets frustrated and I think it comes off as "attitude". She does seem to have this working memory deficit so that could complicate the issue, in that you can only tell her one or two things at a time. Executive function issues would point us toward the ADHD as well...
