So, is this "I was told to do something, it was obvious I heard and acknowledged the adult, and then I deliberately disobeyed anyway." or "I was involved in my own thoughts and didn't hear what was going on or realize everyone else was doing something different or that I was supposed to go, too, and then was defensive when I was chewed out for not doing something I didn't even realize I was supposed to do at the time."?
I know that when I am concentrating on my thoughts, or on something that requires auditory processing (reading, composing music or poetry in my head or on paper, etc.), I literally don't hear what is going on around me. I am not "ignoring" it, it just doesn't ever make it to consciousness. My brother and my cousins once built a prison for me by piling the furniture in our family room around and over my favorite reading chair while I was in it reading a book when I was about Butter's age, and I completely failed to notice the construction process in any way until they flipped a large table upside down on top of the pile, shutting out the light, so I could no longer read. (My mother was not amused.) Apparently, they were discussing the process the whole time, and I never heard a word...but my hearing is fine. If this is the sort of thing that happened, it might be worth talking to the leader to be sure that she checks to be sure Butter is aware that she is being spoken to and understands the instructions before the leader walks away expecting her to follow.
Sometime adults think they are being clear, but they aren't. For example, if the leader said something like "Butter, we are all going down to the bathroom.", she might have believed that that was an instruction for Butter to accompany them, which it was not, strictly speaking. Butter might have heard something like this, thought "So what?" and gone back to whatever she was doing before. If this kind of misunderstanding is what occurred, it might be worth talking to Butter about asking for clarification (Do you want me to go with you?) if adults say similar things that might make her wonder what relevance the information the adult is trying to communicate has to her.
